You know that saying "God won't give you more than you can handle"? Well I think that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
Because last week was way more than I can handle.
- After seeing a fertility specialist, being checked out, poked and prodded from head to toe and being told that we are healthy, young and very fertile, another month came and went and I am not pregnant... That just stinks. So bad.
- We were told by our adoption agency that the wait in Uganda has only just begun... The 6 month pause (which we told you about in this post) which should have been over early October is going to continue until further notice. That is just so sad and disappointing.
- This week a $212 medical bill from April 2012 resurfaced, and despite the fact that it's a charge that doesn't even make sense and certainly isn't fair, we have to pay the bill or it will hurt our credit. And this isn't just any medical bill; it is from my second miscarriage. We are still having to pay money to cover the cost of losing our second child. Talk about timing...
- Our car had to go into the shop and it wasn't the quick fix we had hoped for. Nearly $1000 later we got our car back, and the engine smoked the whole drive home from the auto shop... Are you serious? So our trusty little VW got towed back to the shop this morning... God don't you know we are still saving up for our adoption?!
- My 89 year old grandmother was taken to the emergency room again and spent the week in the hospital because of blockage in her heart. I love her so much and grieve that she is not doing well.
To say this was a very rough week would be an understatement...
And if you've read any of my previous blogs (which have only scratched the surface of my life story :-)) this is not exactly the first hard week of my life.
The thing is, I know that my life looks like a fairy tale compared with so many hurting ones around the world...
- I've never been sentenced to prison
- I've never been sent to a concentration camp
- I've never been sexually trafficked
- I've never been beaten or molested
- I've never known what true starvation feels like
- I've never known the pain of my dad or my husband abandoning me
And I guarantee if you ask any person who has walked through something that horrific, they would tell you that it was way more than they could handle too. The weight of the pain of this world is enough to crush the human spirit. But then Jesus steps in...
You may not even know who He is. But He knows who you are. He loves you, so much in fact that He died to buy back your life from death. Every single person was born with a one-way ticket to hell and Jesus came to earth to cancel that ticket and give us the free gift of FOREVER with Him in paradise. It is only by His grace, by the new life I received through Jesus that I can make it. And not only just make it - I can THRIVE even through suffering and sorrow and heartache, because I KNOW that my God is doing something so precious behind the scenes. And His finished work and final destination is always worth waiting for.
I can't see it now, and it certainly doesn't make sense now, but my heart is more confident than ever before in my Heavenly Father's goodness towards each and every single one of His children. He does not show partiality ("an unfair tendency to treat one person better than another"). Period. I cannot explain why things seem so unfair for so many people, but He promises it so I am choosing to trust Him and take that promise to the bank.
Will you do that too, friend? With the things in your life that are hard and don't seem fair? You can trust Him too, I promise.
No He isn't fair and He isn't "safe" per our definition ("predictable and controllable"), but He is GOOD and He is just and He promises to work everything - absolutely EVERY thing - for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. That beautiful promise is found in Romans 8:28. We can get so tunnel-visioned, focusing on today and right here and now and this yuck we find ourselves in. But let's lift our eyes, friends! Let's focus our hearts on the big God that we serve and trust Him with our lives and stop judging God's plan for us based on one tiny snapshot moment.
So that bit up there about "God not giving us more than we can handle"? His grace is more than enough in our weakness (2 Cor 12:9). When what we have is not enough and the cup of suffering He asks us to drink is more than we can handle on our own, it is His peace and presence and grace poured out like rain that carry us through the storm.
I like every story to have a happy ending. Call me old fashioned or romantic, but I just do. And so here is the good news and the piece of hope that I need for today: my story DOES have a happy ending. I don't know what it is yet, and you don't know the ending to your story either. But this is the truth we need to cling to, and it is the thing that actually makes it possible to rejoice even in heartache and pain:
Our stories will have very happy endings, friends. :-)
Because last week was way more than I can handle.
- After seeing a fertility specialist, being checked out, poked and prodded from head to toe and being told that we are healthy, young and very fertile, another month came and went and I am not pregnant... That just stinks. So bad.
- We were told by our adoption agency that the wait in Uganda has only just begun... The 6 month pause (which we told you about in this post) which should have been over early October is going to continue until further notice. That is just so sad and disappointing.
- This week a $212 medical bill from April 2012 resurfaced, and despite the fact that it's a charge that doesn't even make sense and certainly isn't fair, we have to pay the bill or it will hurt our credit. And this isn't just any medical bill; it is from my second miscarriage. We are still having to pay money to cover the cost of losing our second child. Talk about timing...
- Our car had to go into the shop and it wasn't the quick fix we had hoped for. Nearly $1000 later we got our car back, and the engine smoked the whole drive home from the auto shop... Are you serious? So our trusty little VW got towed back to the shop this morning... God don't you know we are still saving up for our adoption?!
- My 89 year old grandmother was taken to the emergency room again and spent the week in the hospital because of blockage in her heart. I love her so much and grieve that she is not doing well.
To say this was a very rough week would be an understatement...
And if you've read any of my previous blogs (which have only scratched the surface of my life story :-)) this is not exactly the first hard week of my life.
The thing is, I know that my life looks like a fairy tale compared with so many hurting ones around the world...
- I've never been sentenced to prison
- I've never been sent to a concentration camp
- I've never been sexually trafficked
- I've never been beaten or molested
- I've never known what true starvation feels like
- I've never known the pain of my dad or my husband abandoning me
And I guarantee if you ask any person who has walked through something that horrific, they would tell you that it was way more than they could handle too. The weight of the pain of this world is enough to crush the human spirit. But then Jesus steps in...
You may not even know who He is. But He knows who you are. He loves you, so much in fact that He died to buy back your life from death. Every single person was born with a one-way ticket to hell and Jesus came to earth to cancel that ticket and give us the free gift of FOREVER with Him in paradise. It is only by His grace, by the new life I received through Jesus that I can make it. And not only just make it - I can THRIVE even through suffering and sorrow and heartache, because I KNOW that my God is doing something so precious behind the scenes. And His finished work and final destination is always worth waiting for.
I can't see it now, and it certainly doesn't make sense now, but my heart is more confident than ever before in my Heavenly Father's goodness towards each and every single one of His children. He does not show partiality ("an unfair tendency to treat one person better than another"). Period. I cannot explain why things seem so unfair for so many people, but He promises it so I am choosing to trust Him and take that promise to the bank.
Will you do that too, friend? With the things in your life that are hard and don't seem fair? You can trust Him too, I promise.
No He isn't fair and He isn't "safe" per our definition ("predictable and controllable"), but He is GOOD and He is just and He promises to work everything - absolutely EVERY thing - for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. That beautiful promise is found in Romans 8:28. We can get so tunnel-visioned, focusing on today and right here and now and this yuck we find ourselves in. But let's lift our eyes, friends! Let's focus our hearts on the big God that we serve and trust Him with our lives and stop judging God's plan for us based on one tiny snapshot moment.
So that bit up there about "God not giving us more than we can handle"? His grace is more than enough in our weakness (2 Cor 12:9). When what we have is not enough and the cup of suffering He asks us to drink is more than we can handle on our own, it is His peace and presence and grace poured out like rain that carry us through the storm.
I like every story to have a happy ending. Call me old fashioned or romantic, but I just do. And so here is the good news and the piece of hope that I need for today: my story DOES have a happy ending. I don't know what it is yet, and you don't know the ending to your story either. But this is the truth we need to cling to, and it is the thing that actually makes it possible to rejoice even in heartache and pain:
Our stories will have very happy endings, friends. :-)
Dear Melanie and Edgar
ReplyDeletethanks for sharing your heart. It is so beautiful!
I cry with you and I pray for you both.
You are such an example to me and many. No doubt.
You are safe under the shadow of His wings.
Bless and hug to you both precious people,
Karsten
Carr and I have been discussing this very question. We would never see our desperate need for Him if He didn't give us more than we could handle. Our prayers continue for you and Edgar. Thank you for choosing to share your life with us through this blog. We love you both !
ReplyDelete