Sometimes it seems we are profoundly unaware of the void that others carry around. Like a deep, aching well of sorrow and grief, this void is with them when they wake and when they sleep. It doesn't matter how it got there or how long its been there. It hurts. A lot. Whether the void is because of a failed marriage, betrayal, loss, death, or maybe a shattered dream or a longing not yet fulfilled, there is a grief carried inside so deep and so great that it is beyond human healing. And many of us have become masters at hiding this pain! We wear our mask to cover the tears and bury the pain so deep inside that it can even begin to feel numb... After all, life doesn't stop just because your heart is shattered. And so we move on from the painful event, coming away from it feeling somehow like less of a person...
To people who think this sounds mellow dramatic, who think that these hurting individuals need to just get up and get over their pain, get over themselves, and move on with a happy heart...can I please ask you to stop for just a moment? If you knew what it felt like, you would only have the deepest, most patient and tender compassion. You would weep with those who weep instead of pressing truth down on top of their wounds so that you only drive the thorn in deeper. Yes, truth is truth, and we serve a God who heals! who restores! who gives us beauty for ashes and mends the broken hearted. Praise God!! Our stories would be hopeless if not for Him. But the hurt must be healed supernaturally and the unspeakable void must be filled with the very person and presence of Jesus before the truth can penetrate and begin yielding life. Won't you instead be a safe place for this hurting person to open up their pain? Won't you help show them the way to the cross where the river of Blood flows and hearts are made whole? Won't you remind them again of the God of hope and restoration?
You see, I am one of those mamas with an unspeakable void in my heart. After I lost my first child, it felt like my heart had shattered into so many pieces it couldn't possibly be put back together again. But praise be to God, it did! Somehow my sweet Heavenly Father came and He gently and tenderly fashioned my heart back together, He found all the missing pieces and joined it back into one beating heart, and when I felt healed I realized my heart was even bigger than it had been! There was an extra piece that wasn't there before... My child, who had gone before me into the presence of the risen Lamb, was now a part of me. I will carry that child in my heart until the day I die when I will meet that child face to face. I saw Isaiah 61 spring to life within me.
And then it happened again... My second child left my body before I could ever look into her sweet eyes or hold her tiny hands. And on top of the raw, deep well of pain, on top of the agonizing grief of losing the child we had cried out to God for, many people said to me "don't worry, you'll get pregnant again!" or "don't worry, you're still young and have plenty of time for other children." Daily I had to forgive people, because they didn't know. They couldn't understand. These two children are priceless and irreplaceable! It's not like milk that goes bad and you just run out to the store to get another gallon. These are my children. Precious, priceless, and gone...
But not gone forever. No, my children are more alive than ever. That is one of the puzzle pieces of hope! My children live in a reality more real than the one I live in. We are here on this earth for only the blink of an eye, and then we will spend all of eternity in the Kingdom of Heaven. And my children are already there. (for those needing teaching/encouragement in this area, I've been reading "I'll Hold You In Heaven: Healing and Hope for the Parent Who Has Lost a Child" by Jack Hayford - a precious and powerful book!)
And so I press on, with a battle cry of Isaiah 54 and Psalm 34:8-10: "Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him! Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints! There is no want to those who fear Him. The young lions lack and suffer hunger; but those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing."
To any other woman out there with a void in your heart, whether you've lost a child or whether you're still longing for motherhood, I just want you to know a few things:
- You are not alone! Some days it feels like it... Some days it feels like nobody around you understands and you can hardly find the words to try and let somehow know how deep the pain and loss is. But you are not alone! A few weeks ago I read this blog, and atleast for me, hearing the stories of others who have walked a similar road brings a measure of comfort.
- Jesus really truly CAN heal your heart... He really can! I promise. I've seen it, several times before. It takes time, and it takes perseverance, but keep running to Him and pouring out your heart to Him. He won't invalidate your pain or belittle you or rush you. He will comfort you and bring supernatural healing to a place beyond human healing. And then, when the bleeding wound becomes a healed scar, you will be able to tell others what your God has done for you...
To people who think this sounds mellow dramatic, who think that these hurting individuals need to just get up and get over their pain, get over themselves, and move on with a happy heart...can I please ask you to stop for just a moment? If you knew what it felt like, you would only have the deepest, most patient and tender compassion. You would weep with those who weep instead of pressing truth down on top of their wounds so that you only drive the thorn in deeper. Yes, truth is truth, and we serve a God who heals! who restores! who gives us beauty for ashes and mends the broken hearted. Praise God!! Our stories would be hopeless if not for Him. But the hurt must be healed supernaturally and the unspeakable void must be filled with the very person and presence of Jesus before the truth can penetrate and begin yielding life. Won't you instead be a safe place for this hurting person to open up their pain? Won't you help show them the way to the cross where the river of Blood flows and hearts are made whole? Won't you remind them again of the God of hope and restoration?
"Return to the stronghold, you prisoners of hope. Even today I declare that I will restore double to you." Zechariah 9:12
You see, I am one of those mamas with an unspeakable void in my heart. After I lost my first child, it felt like my heart had shattered into so many pieces it couldn't possibly be put back together again. But praise be to God, it did! Somehow my sweet Heavenly Father came and He gently and tenderly fashioned my heart back together, He found all the missing pieces and joined it back into one beating heart, and when I felt healed I realized my heart was even bigger than it had been! There was an extra piece that wasn't there before... My child, who had gone before me into the presence of the risen Lamb, was now a part of me. I will carry that child in my heart until the day I die when I will meet that child face to face. I saw Isaiah 61 spring to life within me.
And then it happened again... My second child left my body before I could ever look into her sweet eyes or hold her tiny hands. And on top of the raw, deep well of pain, on top of the agonizing grief of losing the child we had cried out to God for, many people said to me "don't worry, you'll get pregnant again!" or "don't worry, you're still young and have plenty of time for other children." Daily I had to forgive people, because they didn't know. They couldn't understand. These two children are priceless and irreplaceable! It's not like milk that goes bad and you just run out to the store to get another gallon. These are my children. Precious, priceless, and gone...
But not gone forever. No, my children are more alive than ever. That is one of the puzzle pieces of hope! My children live in a reality more real than the one I live in. We are here on this earth for only the blink of an eye, and then we will spend all of eternity in the Kingdom of Heaven. And my children are already there. (for those needing teaching/encouragement in this area, I've been reading "I'll Hold You In Heaven: Healing and Hope for the Parent Who Has Lost a Child" by Jack Hayford - a precious and powerful book!)
And so I press on, with a battle cry of Isaiah 54 and Psalm 34:8-10: "Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him! Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints! There is no want to those who fear Him. The young lions lack and suffer hunger; but those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing."
To any other woman out there with a void in your heart, whether you've lost a child or whether you're still longing for motherhood, I just want you to know a few things:
- You are not alone! Some days it feels like it... Some days it feels like nobody around you understands and you can hardly find the words to try and let somehow know how deep the pain and loss is. But you are not alone! A few weeks ago I read this blog, and atleast for me, hearing the stories of others who have walked a similar road brings a measure of comfort.
- Jesus really truly CAN heal your heart... He really can! I promise. I've seen it, several times before. It takes time, and it takes perseverance, but keep running to Him and pouring out your heart to Him. He won't invalidate your pain or belittle you or rush you. He will comfort you and bring supernatural healing to a place beyond human healing. And then, when the bleeding wound becomes a healed scar, you will be able to tell others what your God has done for you...
