"Autumn...the year's last, loveliest smile."
William Cullen Bryant
Autumn...red, crisp, magical. The turning of leaves and the preparing for slumber by the earth. Golden rays light up the trees around us and leaves float to the ground like peaceful feathers. The ground seems hushed in reverent silence, bidding all the world to nestle down into deep sleep.
Growing up I never liked fall, because it meant summer was over. And summer was my most favorite time of year. I could never seem to get enough sunshine. But times have changed... Autumn means more to me now than ever before. Perhaps I've personified autumn into a beautiful woman rich with color, wisdom and warmth and I simply enjoy her beauty and nurturing companionship.
And just like Anne of Green Gables so eloquently put it, "I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers." Because my birthday is in October and I'm especially glad there was a month for me to be born in.
With autumn comes change...and with autumn comes death.
Death?
Yes. The leaves, though they change into glorious shades of rich orange, yellow and red, the truth is: they are dying. But this death is the most beautiful kind of death, because we all know what happens after autumn gives way to a long sleepy winter. Spring always comes. Since the creation of time, the seasons have not once failed to make their full cycle.
And somehow I'm reminded of my life when I look at these lovely dying leaves. Leaves carry a certain beauty in the fullness of summertime, when they are bright and green and full of life. But I think a leaf has never been more beautiful than in the season that it must die.
So it is with us; when the sun is shining and things are great, we can still praise the Lord and enjoy the abundance. But when the season of surrender, of testing and trying and ultimately, the season of death comes, I think the Lord looks at us like the autumn leaves. He has never seen anything more beautiful than a soul surrendered to Him, willing to die to self, die to dreams, die to desires.
One of the dreams we are having to continually surrender to Him is our adoption. We have been in the process for one and a half years and it seems like the wait that still looms ahead of us could be longer than the time we have already waited. It's frustrating and disappointing because we know there are 147 million orphans in the world right now who need to be loved and to know they are precious. We are believing in faith that we will have both biological and adopted children, and we are just bursting to lavish them with love.
It can truly feel like nothing is happening on the surface; we are still #23 on the waiting list. We've been sitting in this spot for quite a while now. Yet even though it can seem as though very little is going on, we have walked with the Lord long enough to know He is always working behind the scenes. Always. He is preparing our hearts, preparing our daughter's heart, preparing our community and our home. But still, I daily let go and die to my ideas and opinions about timing and how I think it should all go.
And though this death is ultimately incredibly beautiful and wondrous to behold, there is a pain that comes with it which strikes the deepest chords of the soul. Sometimes we wonder why God would ask us to go through it all. Why would a loving and good God, who is perfect and glorious and full of love and justice, ask us to die such a slow and painful death?
It's because He is longing to produce spring within us.
Because through each season, the roots grow deeper and deeper and the trunk of that tree gains a new ring every year. And the harvest of death sown into the heart of God is glorious, abundant LIFE. This is a life laid at His feet in brokenness and surrender, and He calls it beautiful.
Hallelujah.
As you enjoy the rest of this beautiful autumn season, which I personally believe is the most beautiful autumn season Dallas has ever seen, take heart and remember what happens below the surface of the earth when winter comes. Though it seems eerie-silent on the surface, life is being produced deep within.
I can give thanks for that.
