"I come, God, I come
I return to the Lord
The one who's broken
The one who's torn me apart
You struck down to bind me up
You say You do it all in love
That I might know You in Your suffering"
Because some days I just need to know that He is there. That He is present and He is good. Some days, most days in fact, more than the blessings that He freely gives, I just want His presence... I know He is always present and always near; but some days [most days] I just long to feel Him in that tangible way. Like the warm breath of a summertime breeze on your skin...
"Though You slay me
Yet I will praise You
Though You take from me
I will bless Your name
Though You ruin me
Still I will worship,
Sing a song to the one who's all I need"
Because some days I just need to remind my soul that He is ALL that I need... And even if I wouldn't see another sunrise or feel another gentle touch on this earth again, the love He has already demonstrated to me is more than enough. Often I must lift the cup of the blood of His covenant and eat the bread of His body that was broken for me, and I need to remind myself that I - yes, even I - was the joy that was laid before Him.
"My heart and flesh may fail
The earth below give way
But with my eyes, with my eyes I'll see the Lord
Lifted high on that day
Behold, the Lamb that was slain
And I'll know every tear was worth it all"
Because EVERY single moment of pain and suffering in the path of obedience is doing something deep in my soul. No I can't see it and sometimes I don't even feel it. It doesn't make sense and there are so many things I think I would change if I could. But I know and believe in the deepest reservoir of my spirit that as we consider it ALL joy, we learn to know Him by intimately communing with Him in the very presence of suffering.
When we choose to worship Jesus in the face of suffering, John Piper describes it as a peculiar weight of glory that is being produced and worked out within us. And so, this free thing that costs me everything: it is grace. Grace to live and move and have my being in Christ. Grace to face the day with joy and courage. Grace to get up and rejoice and worship and celebrate life. Grace freely and extravagantly poured out over you and over me.
But even though it is free, it is not cheap; it costs me EVERYTHING. To receive the grace of God costs me my very life. It is only in death that life can be produced. It is when we bury our precious seed into the soil of surrender and trust the God of heaven and earth to water the seed and shine down with life upon it, it is in that moment of totally and completely giving all that we are and all that we have to Him...well, that is when He produces within us such glorious fruit, sparkling with the very radiance of heaven itself. The glory of God is then able to rest upon us, not for our sake alone, but that we might be laid-down lovers who in response minister His grace to a broken and wounded world.
And it is in death, my death - not a physical death [yet] but the death of my dreams, my rights, my will - that I identify with Jesus and His death on the cross. I come to know Him, understand Him, gaze into His eyes in a deeper and more profound way than ever before. We gain a glimpse into His heart that is only possible through suffering! This alone is reason to rejoice in suffering. Because once the season of pain is over, the intimacy with Jesus will always remain.
And this is the glory of it all: LIFE will come. We can rest assured in that! After night comes morning and after winter the spring always shows up.
Until then, you and I must endure this season, never giving up, never losing hope. I don't know what your season looks like, but hold on and keep pressing upwards, friend. Every step towards the Throne of Grace is producing in you something so precious and beautiful.
When we see Him face to face,
we will not be disappointed!
It will be worth it all.
